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11/04/2009

18

Matt(Jump) manages to drink everything on the cocktail menu.
(note) Flatliner marked with scull & crossbones

Before I sign off for the summer I would like to first of all wish you a happy Easter (don’t eat too many chocolate eggs) and say thank you to everyone who has contributed to the enquirer throughout the season. I couldn’t have done it without you. Well I probably could have it just wouldn’t have been as good.
Don’t forget tickets for the end of season ball are still on sale from either Alex (0673242825) or Claire. I will be in TJ’s most evenings. Ideally please let us know before Monday so we know how many people are coming.

Alex, the editor.

The return of Emma Bladon
Before I start I would like to say while Emma was a seasonnaire I was constantly berated by her at even the slightest possibility of her (or her friends) inclusion in this publication. It appears that working in the city has relaxed her standards of self censorship.
For the past week the Jump bars king table has been residence to a pack of ex-seasonnaires including Ms Bladon. On her list of things to do included getting completely smashed and getting her tits out in the Jump. Basically most of the things she used to do while she worked for Scott Dunn and Flexiski in the past. She has been renewing her old acquaintances of Mr toffee vodka, Mr Manzana and Ms Rose.
But the drunkenness and debauchery weren’t the sole preserve of Emma. Miranda got off to a flying start in Kalico with a hidden penchant for the “older” gentleman. While Emmas full attention was devoted to Jump barman, Pete Beilby’s, tongue cleaning her tonsils Miranda was being given similar treatment by the “elderly” Eddie(Supretravel).

What the f**k is going on with the Jump?
Excuse my blatant use of profanity but this is subject close to my heart.
For those who didn’t know the Hotel de la Croisette and the Jump bar was sold last year to a French company. When I initially heard the news I thought that one of my favourite watering holes was going to turn into just another faceless French bar. Luckily the new management had the foresight to hire Jimbo to continue running the bar. Unfortunately this was their first and only good idea. Since then they have managed to annoy the pants off most of the staff working in the hotel and the bar. To such an extent they have shot themselves in the foot and none of the english staff will be returning next year. Basically this means than next year the bar will be a wholly French affair. You will get no banter from the staff, you will probably not wake up wearing their pink panties in the morning and you will probably not get seasonnnaire prices.
Which brings us to another question. Why the f**k have they closed the hotel in the middle of one of the busiest period of the season? To go on holiday! Obviously their style of “piss everyone off” management is very stressful and (unlike every other hotelier) they need a long break before starting their summer business. Forget the fact that we are in a recession and that the estimated 50,000 € loss of business for the last week might come in handy. More importantly it means that there will now be one less “English freindly” bar in 1850.
The good news for those who are already missing Jimbo is that you can find him behind the bar at the small Refuge restaurant right next to TJ’s. So what will Jimbo be doing in Courchevel next season? Refuge? Oxygen? Les Caves? (only joking) watch this space.

Debbie does....
Balls
There’s nothing I enjoy more than a good old fashioned ball! Balls provide an opportunity for the scruffy to scrub up, be civilized, enjoy some polite conversation, savour some posh grub and some dainty sips of wine. However its easy to speculate that there will be nothing dainty about Courchevel’s Seasonnaire Ball and even easier to predict the inevitable.
I am confident that our ball will accommodate a multitude of crucial events that will provide an adequate gossip resource to take us through to the end of the season. These include; the standard controversial pull x 10, the superfluous hostile screaming match causing all sorts of awkwardness, the girl who’s unattractively drunk and wont stop getting her tits out, ample amounts of standard snow sex, vomit on the dance floor, broken cameras, broken bones, fisticuffs, tears, stains, tumbles and boy will there be banter Don’t miss out on the shenanigans of Courchevels Seasonnaire Ball, strap on a pair and buy your ticket.