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14/08/2010
Issue 26

photo courtesy of Alan Hutchinson

As THAT time of year arrives again, interviews for jobs in the winter are getting into to full flow with the larger companies having to fill 100’s of vacancies. According to certain mature, extoverted, experienced people, due to the high volume of applicants certain companies are using creative ways of thinning the field. Basically if you are extroverted, mature and can think for yourself you will most likely question the quirky rules set out by the tour op. As this free thinking isn’t really a good thing all the important positions will be filled with introverted spotty teenagers who won’t question authority and pedal the usual company excuses.

One of my biggest peevs of a ski season are workers who despite being very amiable and through no personal injury, don’t complete a whole season. Most of who don’t even make it to the end of January. Excuses like “I’m homesick” or “I didn’t realise it would be so hard” or "The manager is a complete fuckwit" are just a few I’ve heard. Now surely a HR dept do more than just ask people if they are committed to working a winter (and actually take their word for it) and that, although rewarding, is hard work. On the other hand they only have 1 day to judge whether they’re telling the truth. I’m not expecting them to be like Patrick Jane from the mentalist, although that would be quite cool.

Instead of asking people to think of fun après ski games to organize for the guests here is what I would do to find proper seasonnaires. Take the group, of say 20 people, out for an all day drinking session, preferably in a bar housed in a cold room. To move on to the next level they need to be still standing by 4am. Then take them to a hotel room designed to sleep 5. Bonus points if anyone swaps bodily fluids. Then wake them up at 7am and ask them to make some beds and clean some very filthy loos which have recently been frequented by a group of irritable bowel patients after a heavy curry night. Bonus points for not losing the contents of your stomach. Finally take them to a small kitchen and get them to bake a cake, with no recipe. Explain that this x50 is expected over a season. If after all this. And here is the bonus. Film the whole process, get Davina to host it and sell it to endemol. Forget "The season" this could be called something like "The chalet apprentice". Apart from not being watch able until after the watershed it would make great viewing.

The editor

Despite being brain bendingly complicated Inception is incredibly good.
When ever I leave France it is a sunny 30 degrees. and England is a rainy 14 degrees. Only 66 days until the London ski show.