A to Z of Courchevel for seasonnaires 2012

posted: 2011-12-10
A is for Apres, the little ritual where everyone celebrate the closing of the lifts by getting walloped on hot red wine until they forget which chalet they were staying in. (Ideal t-shirt to go with that).

B is for The bar, Le Bubble, Ballon Ballai, Bring your sisters and Berroca.

C is for Chalet girl arse, well thatís what comes from spending 5 months eating too much bread/cake, drinking too much beer/wine and not doing enough skiing.

D is for Duct tape, Indispensible for holding together those new gloves, jacket, salopettes. Do enough seasons and your gloves will have more tape than glove.

E is for Enquirer, but you knew that already.

F is for Fox, The Funky one to be more precise.

G is for Greece, Thanks to them the French Franc is suddenly looking like a good investment. Conversely the Euro is actually starting to weaken giving you slightly more for your pound sterling. Your 5 euro pint will now cost you £4.60 instead of £4.90

H is for Hotels. Apparently only Paris has more luxe hotels per square foot than Courchevel.

I is for Ice. Good in a drink, bad when itís under ski.

J is for Jagerbombs. A curious drink that involves dropping shots of J‰ger into a half glass of redbull resulting in most of it splashing all over the bar.

K is for Killimandjaro, You know those very affluent people who come to Courchevel, well this is where they stay. So good they just built a second larger one.

L is for Lescorchevel, The pizzeria down in Le Praz.

M is for Milk. Not the crappy UHT that the French so love. The new (fresh) Milk bar in 1850. A good excuse NOT to go down to the Funky Fox.

N is for... Neige. No matter how much falls throughout the season you will always want more. You will also constantly bitch about how much more fell last season or in that other resort on the other side of the planet. Get over it and make do with what you have.

O is for Oligarchs, because according to the Daily Mail Courchevel is awash with Roman Abramovich and his Hummer driving Russian chums and their hookers.

P is for. Physios. If you manage not to break anything you might twist/sprain something. Interesting talking points include photo opportunities at the summit of Mont Valon.

Q is for Queues. Despite constantly upgrading the lift system there are places where you have to wait. Stop bitching about the wait for Biolay and be thankful you werenít here 10 years ago.

R is for Refuge & Racqulette, Basically so much cheese you should have the local hospitals
cardiology dept on speed dial.

S is for. Ski lodge Sundays. An excuse for some people to have lunch and then get hammered in La Tania.

T is for Three valley rally, possibly the most amazing seasonnaire race. Scott Dunn are the defending champions (see also cheating physios)

U is for Ugg boots, or judging by the damp/mud/vomit encrusted state of them mid-season ëUrrrh bootsí

V is for Vegans, One of several words a chalet host doesnít want to hear (along with fruitariant & lactose intolerance) when have to create a weeks meal plan.

W is for Wine. Chalet wine is sometimes described as the urine of satan after a hefty portion of asparagus but thankfully contains no lead and will only cause harm if swallowed. Chalet grade designed to numb your taste buds and numb the pain from those annoying punters.

X is for X-rays, You know that kicker you built and the switch 1080 you set your sights on. Odds are you will probably end up in Moutiers A&E with a nice piece of medical photography.

Y is for. Yellow snow Don't eat!

Z is for Zamboni, the machine that resurfaces the ice rink. Well you try thinking of something relevant that begins with a Z.