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21/02/2009

11

Caroline(Jump) realises a) throwing food at Pete isn't advisable and b) water trumps food

As I was listening to the recent news regarding cricket tycoon Sir Robert Stanford who had disappeared off the radar I was going reminded of a story a wrote a while back insinuating the reason the US army couldn’t find Saddam Hussein was because he was hiding in 1850 (better than a hole in the ground outside Tikrit). I made up a fake lift pass with his photo etc. Suffice to say it went down quite well. Anyway before I could do something similar the Federal government found him outside Viginnia. Damn the efficiency of the FBI.
According to a Monsignor at the Vatican we’re all sinners, which if you knew what goes on between seasonnaires isn’t surprising. Apparently pride ranks only at No 5 for men, who are likely to have indulged in so much lust and gluttony that they are too slothful to feel angry, proud, envious or avaricious. Women are not averse to lust, but are primarily occupied with pride, envy and anger. Sloth does not set in until after gluttony and avarice. With the subject of sinners fresh in my mind it was mentioned to me that the enquirer should be renamed the Matt and Carolineshow due to their almost weekly anecdotes.
Thursday night was the start of private chalet girl Tash’s birthday and gave ample excuse for some of the revellers to demonstrate Gluttony. Matt, exactly how much chocolate cake can I stick in your mouth in one go? After repeated warnings Pete(Jump) escalated a food fight from pieces of cake to bucket of iced water. A rather soggy and wined up Caroline then brought a little wrath to the party needing at least 3 people to initially restrain her. Pete might be a veteran of Iraq but I’m sure they don’t teach you how to handle drunken Carolines in RAF training.

Alex, the editor.

Greed
Greed As everyone knows the word Courchevelis synonymous with the other words like Russian and Mafia. Unless of course you come skiing in February when you’re more likely to get run over by an Arab than an Oligarc. For those who didn’t realise all that money you pay for your petrol has been going into the pockets of these camel jockeys. Not satisfied with owning ALL the money in the world they have spent the last week racing around Courchevel in a convoy of blacked out German plated X6s and Cayennes.

It’s all about the underwear part II(Vanity)
Following on from my Jack Wills barstaff pants article in issue 2 Jimbo’s undercrackers have appeared on the radar again.
This time the pants involved were not Jimbos. Let me explain. Anyone who has been in the Jump will immediately identify (whenever he reaches for the glasses on the top shelf) the boss’s favoured brand as Pull In. But on Sunday morning Jimbo turned up to work wearing something a little more riskay.
As Jimbo favours the “trousers permanently at half mast style” as he bent down he revealed a pair of translucent pink Agent Provocateur panties. Lucy(TJ’s), The original owner of them had kindly lent them after his own where subject to, using a metrological term, a slightly moist spell.
What is strange, despite having a spare Jack Will pants in the bar, Jimbo carried on sporting his new underwear until his shift ended. Maybe it was the more snug fit or the feel of lace supporting his gentlemans area.

Debbie does....
Desperado Duels
Desperado is a Spanish archaism that described a desperate soul whose impatience lead to violent or reckless actions. A Desperado Duel is a time-honoured sport that entertains both the violent and the reckless, not for the weak hearted duelling requires contenders who understand the complexities of such a sport.
The Donk, a familiar sound amongst the bars here in Courchevel, is at the core of a Desperado Duel as one contender successfully thwacks the rim of their opponent’s bottle aiming to cause as much spray as possible. A multitude of controversies have evolved as contenders, over time, have deceived and thus distorted this simple idea. For example, it is totally unacceptable at any point in the game to Donk with any other item other than a Desperado bottle. It is frowned upon to employ the ‘thumbing technique’ to protect the rim. Outsiders involved in the tactics of the game are objectionable, more than 2 players are undesirable, complaints about rounds are intolerable, crying over wet clothes is offensive and pre-sip thwacks are encouraged.
This all culminates in the raw fact that the only rule in a Desperado Duel is that there are no rules, its messy debate and that’s why it’s so fucking fun. God speed duellers and let the Donk be with you.