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28/02/2009

12

The burntout remains of the chalet

Last Sunday saw what was probably the most expensive bonfire in the Cospilot region of 1850. Apparently starting at around 7am this 14 million euro chalet caught fire and despite the valiant attempts of the local Pompiers the roof was still burning over 12 hours later. The exact cause of the fire is still subject to hearsay with everything from a single cigarette to a large bbq being the accelerant but rumors of empty fire extinguishers and faulty smoke alarms are rife. Luckily all the American holiday makers made it safely out.

Alex, the editor.

Injuries of the week
Top of the list is Matt Ottaway who broke his femur in two places while snow plowing. After a quick ride in a helicopter, the insertion of a metal rod in his leg and an all you can eat morphine buffet Matt is now out of hospital. Just the thought of it makes me feel a bit queasy.

"Fast" Toni(Inghams) is sporting a big shiner after a guest lashed out while trying to be woken.

We finally received proof of Will Gill’s previous pool table injury. I’m talking about HIS TOE!

James(TJ’s) is sporting a few teeth marks in his forehead after a drunken game of Twister with Jill(Skiworld).

Freddie gets a promotion (and a girlfriend)
After spending the entire season working in the depths of the Jump kitchen Rising from the lowly position of kitchen plongeur, which hierarch ally speaking is somewhere between the mop bucket and the dead rat that drowned in the mop bucket. Freddie has now reached the dizzying heights of a member of the Jump bar staff. Along with perks like a pay rise with tips and working in the distinguished presence of Jimbo & Phil, Freddie also is now officially allowed to fraternize with member of the opposite sex and is now seeing Jump groupie, Sasha(Total), systematically trying to repair the emotionally damage cause by her previously having sex with Matt.

Saving Ryan’s Privates
It has been brought to my attention by a variety of his friends that Ryan(Snowlinx) is succumbing to the influences of a young lady. I believe the correct technical term is pussywhipped. So much so that he has even been caught crying while watching movies, and I don’t mean movies where men are shooting other men (it’s alright to cry at them). There is only one reason for blubbing at Will Smith “In the pursuit of Happiness” and that involves having no Y chromosome. So before Ryan’s penis disappears altogether it’s vital that he’s allowed to go out on his own and get drunk with his mates without any female influences.

Debbie does....
Apres
On a recent excursion to Les DeuxAlpes I discovered a place where the sun shone, the demis flowed, the filthy beats were inconceivable and people danced in the impending dusk wearing ski boots. This place truly was heaven on earth. This place was Panna Bar.

Panna Bar is Apres-Ski in its purest form, epitomizing everything one could ever possibly desire from ski resort drinking. Yet, the idea is so simple. I reckon with just a few basic ingredients and a little bit of motivation we could have our very own Panna Bar right here on our Courchevel doorstep. Firstly a bar terrace is required, preferably south facing, cheap and with a nice gentle green route back down to resort. (To avoid apres-induced injuries) Then there’s the sound system, this needs to be so loud it makes even your thermals vibrate. Lastly and most importantly there’s the DJ whose unfathomably cool taste in music should be guaranteed to get your ski boots a-grinding.

So I implore you all to scout out that sun terrace, dig around for that DJ and coerce your companies into purchasing some fuck-offly good equipment.
Panna Bar Shmanna Bar. Heaven is moving to Courchevel. Happy hunting!

I would like to make an addendum to Debbie.
If you talk about good après ski, words like KrazyKangaroo(St Anton), Folly Duce(Val d”Isere) and closer to home the Rond Point(Meribel) come to mind. What they all have in common is an out of resort on the piste location, a large terrace, live music and a great atmosphere. No matter how many live bands and après events the Courchevel bars put on because they are all in town they are almost too après ski. There is no après après ski skiing home.

Here are some possible locations The Chalet de Pierres, The Pilatus, the Courcheneige or the Bergerie. Unfortunately because this is Courchevel 1850 all these venues are more interested in the expensive lunch/dinner crowd and not for the lively après scene. But don’t worry after I have won 3 consecutive lottery jackpots I’ll buy the ideal location.