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08/01/2011
Issue 40
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Cougar mauls plongeur
Those expecting a story about a dishwasher being attacked by some sort of savoyard mountain lion will unfortunately be disappointed. On the other hand anyone who was in the Jump on Wednesday night was witness to the nocturnal practices of an inebriated elderly Scottish cat (Felix-Jenus-extremelypistus) stalking her prey to the phat beats of DJ Kerr. When she finally cornered her young quarry(Samus – Pongeurus - veryyoungus) he was powerless to her advances. Only after waking the following day did he notice the scratches all over his torso and realise that this cat’s claws hadn’t been docked.
The editor
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Injury of the Week
Anyone thinking about trying out their first kicker/box should take a little more care and wear as much protection as possible (and that doesn’t mean a condom). With the current snow conditions being hard and icy the prospect of flying off a big kicker and landing on anything except for your planks is a distinct possibility. After hearing about Oscar(PW), who ironically, even equipped with Will “broken back” Gill’s back protector landed awkwardly on his head and ended up in Moutiers hospital with a suspected compressed vertebrae.
Luckily since starting this earlier this week the prognisis isn’t the worst. 1 month wearing a back brace (even in bed) with help from Nurse Hamilton. Emma(PW) better get used to being on top...
So if anyone is trying snowboarding and decides to forgo wrist guards don’t expect much sympathy as you show me your metal filled x-rays.
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New Years Resolutions
In an attempt to make this new year different from the later no doubt you have begrudgingly decided to give up drinking/ smoking/ chocolate/ sex/ blading. For those of you who have already given up the first two I say go crazy. Eat chocolate, have lots of sex, go blading, no wait… forget the blading. For the rest of us in order to absolve you of any blame I have decided to give you some more interesting resolutions.
Try to stave off the lustful advances of Ben Williams.
Take up a new ski discipline (not blading)
Visit at least two new bars in this resort.
Don’t crash/ dent/ scratch/ have sex in the back of/ your company minibus.
Defile one of your innocent co-workers in a bubble lift.
From my inner techie.
Backup your data. Don’t download porn/ illegal movies/ mal-ware.
Write an article for the Enquirer. (Then you will see how difficult it is)
γνωθι σεαυτ?ν (Know thyself)
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 New Enquirer t-shirts for sale
Even before the season has started the enquirers t-shirts are selling well. So get yours Here
And for the first time the enquirer has printed it's own t-shirt. Printed on black t-shirts. Here
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